Monday, October 19th, 9:45pm

Oh where to start. Well, first things first . . .

KEN LIFTED HIS RIGHT LEG TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can not believe how excited I was to see this! The Doctor even went out into the hall to get Ken's nurse and have her come in and see.

Okay, but now, I must go back a bit.

I went to bed Sunday night around 10pm or so. The phone rang at 12:30am. It was Ken's Neurologist Dr. bernad (the one we don't really care for) and he wanted me to know that he was in Ken's room giving him an exam, and he seemed to be doing well. I can't believe he woke Ken up at 12:30 to do an exam, and then stayed in the room and use the room phone to call me. He didn't really tell me anything that I didn't already know (he is doing well, they are doing an MRI tomorrow yada yada yada), but then started to say things like, "Clearly you can now see that this surgery did nothing for him and was a mistake". **sigh** Ken's neurologist and his surgeon do not agree on the care Ken is recieving. Ken's father and I have discussed and agreed that he must be replaced. His negativity it not helping. I can give more details on this if anyone is interested.

I finally went back to sleep, and got up early to make it to work by 8am. Once there, I was pre-occupied with getting some bills paid that I needed to get out today and before I knew it, it was time to head over to the hospital for the visiting hours.

I got up to Ken's room, and he started trying to describe to me something that he needed. After about 30 minutes, I still didn't have it, so we sort of gave up. His parents showed up shortly after. Then his lunch was delivered, and we all sort of tried to get him to eat since it has been so long since he has had solid food . . . and I think it was too much. There was some yelling and some throwing of pudding.

I think we have been a bit selfish and have tried to spend as much time with Ken as we possibly could without realising that it might be too much for Ken.

We talked about keeping our visits shorter, and perhaps having the afternoon visits be with his parents, and the evening visits being with me. We are going to try that out tomorrow and see how it goes. While I think it is a good idea, I hate the idea of only seeing him once per day.

When I got back to work, I really started to realize that I was sort of not being fair to SRA (the company I work for). They have been so generous by allowing me to work from home as needed and then leaving mid-day to go to the hospital for visiting hours. But the thing is, I have not been able to keep my mind on work when I get back. I'm trying to do too much, and it isn't working out.

I leave the house at 7am to get to work by 8am. Then I leave work again at 10:30 to get to the hospital by 11. Then I leave the hospital at 1pm (or whenever they kick us out) and go back to work. Then I stay at work till around 5:30 and head back to the hospital for evening visiting hours. We leave Ken's room at around 8pm and then we talk in the hall and/or down in the lobby for about a half an hour. I usually don't get home until around 9:30 or so.

I am spending almost 3 and 1/2 hours in my car each day. And if Ken's rehab center is located that far out, I see NO change in that.

I wasn't giving my full effort to work, and decided to take unpaid leave under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). This is where the employer will allow you to take up to 12 weeks to care for a family memeber, without pay, and you will keep all benefits, and will be guaranteed your job when you return.

I have NO intention of taking 12 weeks! I just need a few days (since I have already burned through my vacation and sick time) to help me get some rest and get organized a bit. Once Ken is in rehab, the schedule should be much easier.

I spoke to my direct manager, and our program manager (by boss' boss) and both were MORE than supportive. They told me that they understood what I'm going through, and my program manager even said, "Helping you get through this by granting family medical leave, is something that SRA can give to you to show our support for you and Ken." Wow, right?

But others seem to be worried. Why not take vacation they ask.

I mentioned to someone today that I had no vacation left, and they were puzzled. "How did you go through all your vacation time already?" Ken hasn't been able to work or drive a car since around June. I've been taking off from work for doctors appointments and MRI scans and the like on and off for months.

Shit, I'm re-reading this and it really seems dis-jointed, selfish and self-centered. Not the direction I wanted these posts to take . . . sorry. Today was just kind of a bad day. I thought I had found this great solution by taking some leave from work, but it seems to be worrying some people.

So, I'll wrap this up. Ken is making wonderful progress. He is in a wonderful unit at Fairfax Hospital. He has loving friends and family thinking and praying for him, and has been made aware of this.

It's all going to be okay.