Well, I simply don't have any free time at all anymore. I am up at 7am and don't stop until I go to bed around 10. I am physically exhausted. In the past three days, I have collapsed in tears twice. I don't think I have EVER felt this alone.
Ken's parents are killing me, and possibly him too. I got a call from his father this morning saying he had a bone to pick with me. He said he didn't want his wife cleaning up dog shit from my back yard anymore. She comes over every few days and cleans up the dog "leavings" from our backyard, and I BEG her not to. I tell her to just leave it there, and not to worry about it, but she insists on cleaning it up. Then apparently she goes home and tells Bill that she "has" to do it.
Ken has been out of rehab for three weeks now, and I have not been able to get a speech therapist or an occupational therapist to come by the house. I have gone through two agencies now, and have had to fire both of them because they aren't getting therapists to visit Ken. I think I spend almost 4 hours on the phone yesterday. My cell phone battery died, and I had to go to the car and use it so I could charge it. Helen says I am not trying hard enough. I'm not getting any work done at all. And I am so tired, all the time. I want to be selfish. I want just one god damn thing to be about me. I hate me right now.
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OMG Todd................I so wish I were there to help. Fist off, being the idiot I am, I'd tell little Helen to back off and to stop running to her husband every time something isn't to her liking. (That's not exactly how I'd say it, but I'm sure you get my drift!!)
ReplyDeleteTodd, you are only one person and as such, you can only do so much in a day's time. I'm sure you know you are doing the best you can and that some things are just out of your hands. If they can all do better, then I'd tell them to have at it, pour myself a good stiff drink and sit back and watch them try to do what you have been doing!!
Todd honey, you have got to take care of yourself first!! If you don't, you're not going to be any good to anybody. Get selfish and take some "me" time and don't let someone's stupid remarks get you down. Do what just has to be done and don't worry about all the rest of it. It will be there when you are feeling better and can deal with it. Dog poo in the yard? Better than in the flippin house I'd say. Seems like she's going out of her way to find meaningless things to bitch about. Maybe because she knows deep down shes lost in this situation and has to lay the blame somewhere else. What I'm trying to say I guess, is that you have been doing more than any one person could be expected and doing one hell of a good job!! You have nothing to feel guilty or bad about. What the bottom line is that at night you can be proud of how you spent your day trying to get everything done and know you did your best.
How is Ken dealing with all that is taking place? I hope he is holding up and not letting things him down either.
Please let me know how you guys are doing. And if you need me to, I can call some certain people and tell them to get ><(*&^$. Wouldn't bother me one bit. They've done pissed me off and I'm not even there.
You take care Todd and chin up. I am thinking about you each day and am sending you my loved.
Aunt Linda
Todd... I am thinking about you and praying for you. Aunt Linda is right. You need to make time for yourself.
ReplyDelete"Because if you haven't got your health you haven't got anything..."
Name that movie.
I love you more than my luggage!
Lynn
Todd, I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up. I'm back now. Start screening your calls, and when you hear the phone ring, and then reach for it, pause and take a moment to assess your mental state. If you don't have the mental energy for whoever it is, then don't answer. Save your energy for the most worthy things in your life right now. You're doing a terrific job - no one could do better.
ReplyDeletewe are here for you both - please let us know how we can help
ReplyDeleteLove
Dick & Randy
It might not help you, but this reminds me of my wife. She RARELY ever shows appreciation and does not give thanks very often either. However, I know she does appreciate me. She's just wired in a way that makes expressing that appreciation easy to do. Ken might not be showing much appreciation or giving many thanks right now because of his frustration, but know in your heart that he really is. Hopefully knowing how much he does, regardless of him showing it or not, will help you through this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteAs for everyone else being negative and selfish outside you and Ken's life, prune them off the tree to keep you two healthy. It is painful but necessary when given no other choice.
not easy to do that is...
ReplyDeleteHoller if there is ANYTHING I can do to help.... one deep breath one day at a time.. and please call - if there is anything I can do I will... - Nal (301 996 1950)
ReplyDelete